I’ve been thinking a lot about blogging recently, and being a blogger and what that even means to me these days. I’ve questioned whether I can even seriously call myself a blogger when I blog as sporadically and occasionally as I do. Truth be told, my life and working full time these days doesn’t leave a lot of time for anything else. As I’ve said in previous posts recently, any free time that I do have is spent enjoying my children and family, catching up on housework, life admin or sleeping. It’s hard to fit everything in and so I’ve consciously put blogging to one side. Thinking that after a few weeks, or a month or two I’d figure out some way to balance work, family life and blogging. That was in June, fast forward three months and I’m still no closer to figuring it out and the longer that I leave blogging on the side lines the more and more I find myself thinking about it.
I guess I thought that now I was back at work I’d throw myself into my career and that would be that. But I keep getting this nagging feeling at the back of my mind and in the pit of my stomach that something is missing. Being a blogger isn’t something you can forget, it isn’t something you can just switch on and off. Its part of who you are and who you become and I feel this huge growing desire to write, to film, to photograph and ultimately to create that is missing from my life right now.
I find it so hard to comprehend that I can have the career that I have, yet still feel like something is missing. To still want more and to do more when I could quite comfortably focus on my career and that would be that. I still feel like I don’t quite know what I want to be when I grow up even though I am clearly very grown up and probably at the height of my professional career. I feel like there is more I am supposed to do, I just don’t know what that “more” is. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy what I do and I think I might actually be good at it. I walk the walk and talk the talk in an industry that is not the easiest to work in, especially as a parent. But I can’t help but feel like I am still missing a piece of the jigsaw puzzle.
I listened to one of Emma Gannon’s ctrl alt delete podcasts yesterday, which I totally love and would definitely recommend checking out if you haven’t before. I think she is probably one of my all time favourite podcasters alongside Liz Gilbert and her Magic Lessons podcasts. Anyway I was listening to Emma’s podcast where she interviews Zoella and something really struck a cord with me. I don’t know if it was the part where they were talking about the lines between work and life blurring, or whether it was the part about it not feeling like work because their need to create is a passion and therefore it doesn’t feel like work, but it made me smile because I realised I want that again. So I may not know what the jigsaw puzzle piece is, but I think I know where to start…