I have a Confession.. I’m Having An Affair

Im having an affair image - picture of a do what you love quote

I’m not going to lie to you. There have been multiple times during my maternity leave that I have questioned whether I am doing the right thing. Whether I have been wasting precious time on something that may not amount to anything more than a sordid little affair.

Is it worth it? Will I look back and regret it? Am I doing it for the right reasons?

These are some of the many questions that I have asked myself over the last few months. Bloggers paranoia. That’s what I’ve come to call it. This paranoia and guilt over the precious time that I choose to spend blogging in the little spare time that I have, often late into the night.

I guess you have to ask yourself why you started in the first place. Was it to document the precious moments of your little family as it grows? Was it an outlet to share your worries, vent your frustrations and ask all those random questions that you were too scared to ask an actual person? Was it to get rich quick, for the freebies or the pipe dream of doing this as a career?

Time and time again I find myself coming back to this question. Am I wasting my time? I ask myself. I ask my husband hoping that he might have the answer to the question I know he can’t answer. It’s the guilt. The guilt of not spending every single second of my time breathing in my little ones like I feel I should be. After all, I wouldn’t be here on maternity leave if it wasnt for our littlest one.

I have always lived my life with the mantra no regrets. It is one of my guiding principles. I make decisions and choices on that basis, and to this day I only have one regret in my life and that is one regret too many. So I look at my blog and I ask myself whether I will regret devoting so much of my time to blogging or whether I would regret it more if I didn’t. It’s a difficult question. One that I can’t answer either. So I go to my gut. My instincts. What feels right? This feels right. Doing this right here. Sharing my inner most thoughts, questions, worries. This is why I started. How I started. To ask questions to things I have no answers for. To mull and ponder over everything, and anything at ridiculous times in the night when the world is asleep and in the day when the world is at work.

This is the place I come to when I have something on my mind. The place I come to when I am sad and need to write. Its the same place I come to when I am excited and need to write. I need to write, and so I guess that is my answer right there. I can’t imagine not writing.

There are times, moments when I cannot get a blog idea out of my mind. I literally can’t shake it, and I become like a woman possessed. Completely and utterly obsessed with getting it out of my mind and onto my screen, desperately snatching and sneaking moments whenever and wherever I can, sometimes to the absolute frustration of my poor husband. I will lose sleep over it, I will lie over it, I wont eat because of it. Which I know sounds absolutely crazy, but I genuinely don’t mind and don’t care. It’s what you do when you find your passion.

Liz Gilbert recently talked about this in her book Big Magic, which by the way I absolutely recommend to anyone who blogs, vlogs or has any type of creative bone in their body. She talks about how being creative and falling in love with your work akin to having an affair and you know what, I think she’s right..

My Petit Canard

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33 Comments

  1. November 26, 2016 / 9:04 pm

    I can completely relate to this, she says, cowering in the hallway at my makeshift desk whilst my husband watches TV, and I try to cook dinner at the same time. I think you are right to go with your gut, and do what feels right. If you’re passionate about it, you will love it and people will see that. Claire x

  2. November 28, 2016 / 6:59 am

    I completely get this! Writing and blogging is a passion, and you’re amazing at it so please don’t ever stop! It shows in your writing which is what makes your blog so great! This is the best possible affair you could have xx #MarvMondays
    Fi – Beauty Baby and Me recently posted…Monday Motivation – Desire to InspireMy Profile

  3. November 28, 2016 / 9:58 am

    I know what you mean! I do ask myself these questions, but at the end of the day, if we’re willing to stay up late typing, we’re probably enjoying it. Right? If we’re enjoying it why would we stop. I’ve also found notes on my iPad in the morning of an idea that came to me at midnight, although I often can’t understand what I was trying to type, but it must be worth it #marvmondays

  4. November 28, 2016 / 9:59 am

    Oh I am so with you on this! I wonder why we feel so guilty but I do when my children are talking to me and I’m thinking I must just write that down or check instagram etc etc and I know that I’m not fully engaged with them. I try to only blog when they are at school – but I guess that only works if you’ve got school-aged children so it does get easier as the children get older. I try not to blog of an evening unless my husband is out – it takes some discipline but it’s trying to find that balance. My favourite sentence from this is:
    “This is the place I come to when I have something on my mind. The place I come to when I am sad and need to write. Its the same place I come to when I am excited and need to write.”
    And that’s the reason we blog in a nutshell! #MarvMondays

  5. November 28, 2016 / 10:46 am

    Ah the old bloggers guilt! I rind myself redressing the balance every now and then when my sleep is getting seriously squeezed in my attempt to add more hours into the day #MarvMondays
    Coombe Mill – Fiona recently posted…Goat Society in Peace and HarmonyMy Profile

  6. November 28, 2016 / 11:18 am

    Such a great post! I think we all get stuck sometimes, wondering if this is what we want to or supposed to do. But I think that happpens when we get a bit overwhelmed, maybe run a bit dry on ideas. And that’s OK and normal. After we ask ourselves the questions that you have asked, I believe most of us answer the same:))
    #MarvMondays

  7. November 28, 2016 / 11:53 am

    I so get you here hun. I was recently sat thinking I’ve lost that time to sit and chat to people on Facebook and grow a blogging friendship group, or interact for more on Insta. But if I did I would never see my children and hubby, never watch telly or never sleep. Something has to give and that’s why my blog can never be more than a hobby. I love your blog so keep at it when you can though!! xx Thanks for hosting xx
    Sarah Howe @runjumpscrap recently posted…Piglet is 2 Months OldMy Profile

  8. November 28, 2016 / 1:28 pm

    Since I started my blog I’ve wondered what I’m doing over and over again. But every time I think I’l stop I’ll come up with a new post idea and thats that – I have to write it! #marvmondays
    OddHogg recently posted…bakerdays Letterbox Cake – Review + GiveawayMy Profile

  9. November 28, 2016 / 2:03 pm

    What an honest account Emily thank you. We’re all consumed by guilt and juggling up time with kids versus writing. You capture wonderful memories in your blog which I’m sure they will love reading one day. Keep writing! #marvmondays
    Tarika recently posted…Top money saving tips for Black Friday and Cyber WeekendMy Profile

  10. November 28, 2016 / 3:10 pm

    I can completely relate and I suspect you invest a lot more time into your blog than I do. All you can do is ask what else you would be doing with that time and if what you’re doing in the moment is the best choice. You have to trust yourself and if doing what you’re doing makes you feel happy and well rounded then I doubt there will be anything to regret! #MarvMondays
    Angela Watling recently posted…Do you look after your pelvic floor?My Profile

  11. November 28, 2016 / 4:35 pm

    Haha, I’m so glad I’m not the only one. I consider myself pretty new to this blogging thing! Currently on maternity leave, think I have a career break approved 🙂 sat here with lap top while I should be getting the tea on!!
    Keep up the good work. If you enjoy it, don’t stop.
    #MarvMondays
    Helen x

  12. November 28, 2016 / 5:10 pm

    I LOVE this! I feel the same way about my blog, especially when I just can’t get a post out of my head. I struggle with trying to find the right balance but I think we all go through that stage and as far as affairs go, writing is the very best kind! #MarvMondays
    five little doves recently posted…Snapshots of our lifeMy Profile

  13. November 28, 2016 / 5:56 pm

    This post really made me smile, because I completely get why your blog is your passion.. your love affair. I think most creatives would say the same thing, that it’s a way of life rather than something that they just do. It’s the air we breathe. #MarvMondays x
    Annette, 3 Little Buttons recently posted…#HappyLittleButtons November Round UpMy Profile

  14. November 28, 2016 / 6:03 pm

    Yes, to all of this! I often wonder if the blog is “worth it”, are people reading or am I just wasting my precious time that could be with my family. Then I get this sudden urge to write something and it spills out and I know that I need my little corner of the Internet for me. #Marvmondays
    Something About Baby recently posted…Times to Treasure: Week 15My Profile

  15. November 28, 2016 / 8:03 pm

    I can relate. I’ve blogged on and off on various blogs for about 6-7 years. When life get busy it is the first thing that I have to give up but I can’t stop coming back to it. #marvmondays

  16. November 28, 2016 / 8:43 pm

    I know where you’re coming from and I must say that I don’t spend nearly enough time on my blog – I’d like to spend more. It is the guilt thing and trying to find enough time when I’m not too exhausted. You’re so right to follow your passion. Something that you’ll never regret I’m sure #MarvMondays

  17. November 28, 2016 / 10:10 pm

    Completely agree!! So much so, it has just dawned on me that instead of eating dinner this evening, I have been blogging. Last night I was in bed at 2am despite promising my OH I would be up at midnight. I look at everything as a potential post and my phone is permanently glued to my person. I just love blogging. Pure and simple. #marvmondays

  18. November 29, 2016 / 12:03 am

    Something I too have been struggling with, it becomes an obsession and it is way more time consuming than I ever imagined, but I love it and it is important for the kids to see me fulfilled and passionate #MarvMondays
    Mackenzie Glanville recently posted…Happiness and Pain Levels #mgMy Profile

  19. November 29, 2016 / 7:48 am

    I feel you, sometimes I feel that blogging makes me a better “me” a better “mom” and sometimes i wonder if it is taking away from the mom part….in the end, it makes me happy, most the time, so i can’t see it as a bad thing, simply something that i need to manage better. #MarvMondays

  20. November 29, 2016 / 12:50 pm

    I started blogging for the same reasons as you but 3 months ago I began to question myself too and I did a stupid thing. I deleted my whole blog. Instead of just setting it to private for a little while and taking a much needed break, I deleted the whole thing and I didn’t bother to back it up either. That is my big regret. I started blogging again a few weeks ago and so far I’m loving it, but my big regret is deleting all those posts I spent hours poring my heart and soul into. I lost about 200 posts that I can never get back. So my advice is if you ever do decide to stop, don’t delete it. Just make it private. You just may want to start again one day or even just read back on the posts you wrote to cherish the memories (or in my case to look at how far my family and I have come on this special needs journey that we are on).

    #marvmondays
    Janine (Unhinged Mummy) recently posted…The Phonecall We’ve Been Waiting Three Years ForMy Profile

  21. December 1, 2016 / 12:00 am

    I thought you were actually having an affair, great title to capture people’s attention. If you love something and can’t live without it, why feel guilty. A blog gives others space, a creative space to call their own and is so empowering and nourishing. Banish the guilt xx

  22. December 1, 2016 / 5:34 am

    Everyone’s motivations for blogging are different. It’s probably not the blog that makes you feel like you’re having an affair…..but all the time promoting it on social media!

  23. December 1, 2016 / 5:30 pm

    I know exactly where you’re coming from with this. My hubby spent the whole of the summer holiday moaning at me to get off my phone/laptop as he didn’t understand why I felt the need to be blogging all the time (It was my first summer holiday as a blogger and we are both teachers). Now he gets it and doesn’t mind so much – he even helps out with blogging stuff or suggests posts! #MarvMondays
    Jules Pondering Parenthood recently posted…Tripp Trapp Moments – Getting Ready to WeanMy Profile

  24. December 2, 2016 / 1:31 pm

    Well, \i’m currently doing blog stuff when I should be doing about 10 other things so I can empathise. I’ll need to look into that book; perhaps a good Christmas present idea! I think my husband and family get a bit frustrated with me always asking for clothes for birthdays and Christmas because my hobby (blogging) doesn’t really require anything other than a laptop and a notebook.

    #MarvMondays
    Lady Nym recently posted…Explaining SEND to Other ChildrenMy Profile

  25. December 2, 2016 / 1:40 pm

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who skips lunch to blog a little more!
    I feel like I have something to look forward to every nap time rather than just slobbing out on the sofa!
    #brillblogposts

  26. December 3, 2016 / 8:49 pm

    I can relate to this:) I have the same affair:) I’m trying to blog when my boy is sleeping
    #brillblogposts

  27. December 5, 2016 / 1:24 pm

    This is so true! I always feel guilty about blogging when I could be playing/cooking nutritious meals or doing the washing! #marvmondays
    Crummy Mummy recently posted…12 reasons to visit LaplandUKMy Profile

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