It’s a funny old time right now. Its my last day at work and I’m at that crux between leaving one career and starting a new one elsewhere. I feel the sadness and nostalgia of leaving where I am now, but the excitement, anticipation and (I must admit) anxiety of starting somewhere new. I haven’t really written about my experience of making the decision to leave a job I quite enjoy at times, and an organisation that I am rather fond of because I haven’t been quite sure how to process it all.
In all honesty, I think it’s been a bit of a shock to the system. As much as I had considered the possibility of a potential career change after returning from maternity, I hadn’t actually expected it to materialise so soon. It all just kind of happened in a bit of a whirlwind and a blur and I’m not sure it’s quite sunk in yet. The last four weeks have flown by and it’s only really now that the gravity of the changes ahead are starting to dawn on me. It’s not the first time I’ve changed jobs in my career, it’s not actually the first time I’ve left my organisation, but for some reason it feels like a bigger risk this time round, albeit a calculated one. It feels like there is so much more riding on it and I don’t know whether it’s because I’m a parent now or because I’m older, but I suspect it’s both.
So where I would usually feel excitement in the weeks leading up to leaving an organisation, and most certainly wake up feeling ecstatic on my last day I instead feel a slight angst which I just can’t seem to shake. The thing is, it’s just all a bit ridiculous because I know that this is a move that makes sense from a family, career and financial perspective. The role couldn’t be more perfect if I wrote it myself. It was like I wrote a wish list of things I wanted in a job and someone tapped me on the shoulder then dropped it into my lap. It is that ridiculously perfect. I feel like shaking myself, slapping myself and then telling myself to SNAP out of it!
I can only liken how I’m feeling to the scene in the first Sex and the City film where Charlotte is overly anxious and worried after finding out she is pregnant after she thought she would never be able to conceive. She expresses her angst with Carrie, convinced that something will go wrong because only good things have happened to her in life. How good things can’t consistently happen to one person. That somewhere down the line something bad will happen to them. That is how I feel right now. Like my good luck streak is going to run out somewhere along the line and I’m scared that it will be with this move. I have been so fortunate, lucky and blessed in my life. Good things have happened to and for me in almost all facets of my life. I am genuinely happy with my life and the way it has turned out and I would like to believe that things can be as good as they look on paper. That I can be as happy in my new role at a new organisation as I have been here over the last four years or so.
So am I on the cusp of the start of an exciting new future or an epic fail? Who knows, only time will only tell so watch this space..
photo credit: <a href=”https://www.flickr.com/photos/kjcs/14362470179/”>’Ajnagraphy'</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”>cc</a>