For those that have ever wondered what the day of a stay at home mum sometimes looks like this is one of them.
Little Lady: mum I’m hungry, can I have something to eat.
Me: can you get dressed first like I asked you to (its 2.30pm in the afternoon so this is a very reasonable request).
Little Lady: but im hungry now. I want to eat first and then get dressed (she said that at breakfast, I should have known then and I definitely should know now that the child has no intention of getting dressed).
Having literally put the baby down for his nap I am desperate to sit down for five minutes so concede and set her up with some snacks, at which point the baby starts to cry upstairs demanding my attention right now. Seriously?!
These are the days that I don’t want to parent. When I feel like I can’t parent. There are days when you are absolutely smashing it as a parent, and those days feel great. You blitz through the laundry and the cleaning. You stay on top of the snack requests. The baby naps like clockwork and you even manage to squeeze in and arts and crafts session or get everyone out of the house and go somewhere fun or educational or both – go you! You feel like a Kim and Aggie and Martha Stewart all rolled in one. On those days you think yes, I’ve got this. I can do this parenting thing, and actually im quite good at it. High five to me!
Then there are those days like today when everything just feels on top of you, everything is going wrong and you feel a little bit like screaming. or crying. or both. I think its called frustration. Frustration that I can’t sometimes get my toddler to listen to me. Frustration that I can’t even get the most basic of housework done and frustration that I can’t sit down for five minutes, which I don’t think is a lot to ask from my children given that I look after them all day.
Then in a split second I feel torn, and ungrateful. It’s incredible how conflicted parenting can make you feel. Because I feel like I should be enjoying and feeling grateful for every single second of maternity leave, because I know that in six months or so I will be back at work and wishing that I was still at home with these two little people. But I also know that’s just not realistic.
Being at home with two little ones some days is absolutely soul destroying, and on other days it is the most wonderful thing and I absolutely love it. So what is my whole point of this ramble if you made it down to the bottom of the page? Well firstly it’s that I’m having a bit of a rubbish day and secondly its to say to anyone else that is having a rubbish day or does have one (or some!) in the days and weeks to come that its ok, its normal and it’s just part of this whole rollercoaster that we call parenting.