I needn’t have worried. Its true what they say. When you go from one to two, becoming a family of three to four. Your family grows, and just like that your heart expands and you find a new capacity for love. The change is subtle, not earth shattering or overwhelming and suddenly you find a new kind of normal. My days are blissful. Full of a happiness and a contentment that could only come from fuzzy newborn days filled with love and awe.
My days are made up of finding a new kind of patience and a new kind of balance, if there is such a thing. Of finding how to juggle my time and attention between two little people who need and want me in equal and different ways. I look at our daughter and I see a little girl who is so excited about the new baby brother that has come into her life. I don’t think an hour goes by that she doesn’t kiss, cuddle or want to hold him. You can see already that she loves him with all of her little heart. But I also see a little girl who is at times struggling to understand and make sense of our new kind of normal. My heart shattered when I heard the desperate plea in her voice for me to put the baby down when she wanted my attention, and to hear her tell me that she loves me knowing that she was looking for reassurance that I still love her too. Then I look at our son and realise with a profoundness that I didn’t have the first time round, just how precious these little people are. I see his sense of fear of the new world around him and his need to be constantly comforted and reassured, and I realise just how special it is to watch him discovering the world for the very first time. I see with fresh eyes just how vulnerable and precious both my babies are.
The days are chaotic and busy and yet quiet and still. Times when both children need something, and times when both children need nothing, and then there are times when it is just us. The Mr and I looking at each other in amazement that we made these two wonderful little people. But my most favourite of times is in the still of the night, when everyone is asleep and I can just watch the little family that we have made. I was so worried that having another child would upset the precious balance that we had found as a family of three. But becoming a family of four has been the most unexpected and indescribably wonderful thing. It is both harder and easier than it was before, but life is definitely fuller and more complete.