To my first child. I’m sorry that lately my attention has at times been elsewhere.
I’m sorry that sometimes when you ask me to read a book and we are just about to sit down to start it I have to jump up to go and get your little brother who has just woken up.
I’m sorry that sometimes when you ask me to sit with you, you are met with the response that I will as soon as I finish feeding your brother.
I’m sorry that sometimes when you ask me to play with you, you are told that I will, as soon as I put your little brother to sleep.
I’m sorry that “one second” “hang on a minute” and “I’m coming” feature so heavily in my vocabulary now.
I’m sorry that you have watched more than your fair share of CBeebies and Nick Jnr in the last three months, although I do suspect that you quite enjoy it.
I’m sorry that you have had to grow up a little faster over these last three months than you would have probably chosen to and that now you
sometimes have to take yourself to the toilet
or brush your teeth whilst mummy tries to do ten other things at the same time
and I want you to know that I am very proud of you for being such a big girl
and for waiting so patiently.
I’m sorry that sometimes it takes me a really long time to get you your clothes in the mornings
and that sometimes you have to ask for your milk at least twice
and I’m really, really sorry that sometimes I take so long , you fall asleep waiting for me.
Those are the moments when my heart sinks and I really wish I could split myself in two.
I’m sorry if you feel you are second best these days, because I promise you you’re not.
You see your brother is very little and needs me an awful lot. He doesn’t understand that there are two of you and only one of me to go round.
It’s in these moments that I feel like I am failing.
That I’m not very good at this mummy job.
But I am trying my hardest
and one of these days I will get it all right
and no longer feel like I need to say sorry..