Being a mother has changed me, significantly and profoundly. I no longer want what I thought I wanted, and it has taken me almost a year to realise that. I headed eagerly back into the office after 10 months of maternity leave, desperate to get back onto the career ladder in a new role and a new organisation. I quickly proved myself and celebrated early successes. My drive and determination to carve out a successful career in the city paid dividends. But that success has come at a price to work life balance and family.
Ironically I left my last role and previous employer to achieve work life balance and now it seems more elusive than ever. Alongside an already a tumultuous year where I have had to endure the pain of helplessly watching a parent deteriorate before my eyes, managed a house move and started the little lady in nursery, I have spent much of the last six months feeling overwhelmed, over worked, tired and frankly wondering whether it is all worth it. Over the last two months I have thought about work an awful lot, wondering whether I am being over dramatic and just need to suck it up, or whether what I want has changed. I went back to work because I wanted to feel fulfilled and I thought that the success, the status and the recognition would give me that. At times it has, but I’ve come to realise recently that I already feel fulfilled because I know what I can achieve and actually that is enough. Being a mother has changed me, significantly and profoundly.